The Cost Of Holding On

I used to be angry a lot of the time.
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I felt manipulated.
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I felt used and abused.
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And I did not feel I had a choice in the matter.
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I had to keep being used and abused and i had to call it love because that is just what we did in order to love each other.
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But I was angry and resentful and fed up.
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It took up a lot of my energy as I tried to be loving but I could not because I felt as though any moment, there would be some other request, some other demand, some other thing I had to smile about when really deep down, I was angry.
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I wanted apologies.
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I wanted them to notice how much they hurt me.
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They did not.
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Life went on for them.
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they probably even thought I was getting het up about nothing and also, that I was the cause of the nonsense.
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And in some ways I was.
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I was allowing it.
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I was throwing myself back into situations that brought me pain and then blaming everything and everyone for my pain.
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Because I had no choice.
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I needed them, right?
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If I did not get on with them then i would be alone.
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And this is what good people do.
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I kinda wanted to forgive but I also felt I was justified in requiring them to understand and apologize.
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And so I put my life on hold, waiting for apologies and explanations that never came.
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Finally, FINALLY, I realised that the Divine was my Source.
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I can let go.
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Freedom.
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Peace.
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Prosperity.
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Do you know the cost of holding on?
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Are you done yet?
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RosemaryNonnyknight.com/howtoforgive